Q: What’s the most unusual cubicle you’ve seen?
A: The one of a thirty-five-year-old guy who had his workspace set up like a twelve-year-old nerd’s bedroom, with Star Wars and Star Trek posters, action figures, spaceships, etc. Ladies, he’s single!
Q: Any suggestions to make the workplace easier to deal with?
A: Don’t give cute names to conference rooms. Just number them: 110, 120, instead of ‘Sunflower.’ Otherwise, you’ll spend hours tracking down where your next meeting is. If you don’t believe me, walk up to anyone in your office and ask them which direction is north.
Q: What are you bringing to the office potluck this year?
A: Cashews. At least I’ll have something to eat besides the ostrich tacos our developer is rumored to be bringing in.
Q: What was the weirdest I.T. request from a ‘manager’?
A: To take inventory of all the mouse pads. Seriously.
Q: What is one of the more memorable encounters you’ve had as a consultant?
A: An employee cornered me in the elevator and asked me if I’d talked to Jesus today. I replied that I’d been talking with Him all morning as we were having software problems. He backed off and remained silent for the remainder of the ride.
Q: How do you know a meeting is going to run long?
A: When someone insists on a roll call, introductions, and individual statuses, even though the team has been meeting for months.
Q: Grossest co-worker lunch?
A: The pail of ‘homemade soup’ brought in by one of the less hygienic staff. Looked like lake water with debris floating in it. Why he insisted on wandering around with it, no one knows; it smelled awful.
Q: Which management fad book is your least favorite (like you’d have a favorite):
A: Leveraging Your Core Paradigms by Dan Acronym. It’s completely incomprehensible, yet some manager in a desolate backwater sweatshop will try to make their team implement chapter six.
Q: How do you know a catastrophically bad technology decision is about to be made?
A: The decision maker is on their BlackBerry for the duration of the meeting and is not paying attention to the awful technology idea being presented.